Mother's Day 2013

As I am currently a vessel of budding life, brimming over with nausea and anxiety, I thought I would breathe new life into this 'ol blog as well.  As miserable as I am, I still want to remember these days.  Plus, blogging can be both a record of my family's doings and a pleasant way to pass the many hours I'm spending on my living room couch. 

I will be eight weeks along in this pregnancy as of tomorrow.  For two weeks now, I have been horribly nauseated.  I haven't thrown up, but I feel as if I am just about to ALL. THE. TIME.  If I am awake, I feel in imminent danger of puking.  I am taking Zofran, but all it does is minimize the nausea (it takes it down from a 10 to an 8, maybe).  I miss liking to eat.  As pitiful as it sounds, eating is a major source of joy in my life and that is gone.  If I don't eat enough, the nausea increases, but eating is a disgusting chore that I just have to power through.  Another major source of joy that has been temporarily shelved is running.  How I miss it!  Oh, and I have a zit on my chin that is the size of my baby (well, almost.  Baby #3 is supposedly the size of a blueberry now) and my forehead looks like I'm a Hindu woman with bad aim (random red zits galore!).  I have also lost about five pounds. 

The hardest part about being sick, for me, is the extreme anxiety and depression it engenders.  Nausea completely "un-mans" me.  I would rather have a broken bone or go through labor ten times than feel nauseated.  Luckily, I have a fabulous, kind psychiatrist that provides invaluable support and comfort.  And, best of all, my amazing mother is going to spend the next two weeks with me during the day when the kids are at school and Tyler's at work!  My dad donated some of his leave hours to my mom (they both work for the State of AK), so she's able to take some time off to help me.  She spent this last Friday with me and I felt far less anxious and depressed with her around.  She took the girls to and from school (Maddie was SO excited to show her grandma off to her friends!), fed me, cleaned my house and watched a silly movie with me.  Mom and Dad also took the girls to see "The Croods" Friday night, which they loved and I so appreciated. 

Maddie seems to be taking my sickness the hardest, between her and Maia.  If I start to cry, Maddie covers her ears and starts crying herself, saying that she wishes germs weren't real and that I would never be sick again!  She's always been a Mama's Girl and I'm so grateful for how much she loves me, but I hate to be a source of worry for her.  Maia seems much less fazed by my incapacitation, but she's just as loving and tells me frequently that she hopes I feel better soon.  Both girls, though, are THRILLED that they are getting a new little sibling.  Maia says she hopes it's a boy, since she already has a little sister, and Maddie says it better be a girl because, "Boys are annoying."  :) 

Another difficult aspect of being sick, for me, is feeling like I'm missing out on stuff.  I have such a silly fear of that!  We weren't able to make it to church today because Tyler was feeling rather sick too and I wasn't about to get the girls ready for church and take them by myself.  It bothers me that I missed church, but not for the right reasons (like, I didn't take the Sacrament or get to hear uplifting messages).  It bothers me because then I feel less involved, less a part of things. 

Also, I STINK at feeling gratitude when I am nauseated.  My initial and enduring reaction is to be angry and bitter.  I think I'll scream if anyone else tells me that this nausea is "so worth it".  If it wasn't worth it, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant!  I'm also tired of hearing, "Just take it one day at a time".  All I can think about is how many weeks I have until my first trimester is over and I literally BEG God every day that He won't let me be sick any longer than that.  I'm sorry if any of you lovely readers have said either of the above statements to me, and for all I know, I've probably said it to other sick pregnant women.  I know that it is always said in love and honestly, no one can really do anything to make me feel any better, so what else can we do but retreat to what we hope are comforting statements?  I am grateful that other people are thinking of me and wanting me to feel better. 

I am also very, very grateful that Heavenly Father made it SO obvious that this baby is meant to be and that getting pregnant again when we thought we were DONE having kids is absolutely the right thing for us to do.  I am so grateful for the sweet kids I already have.  I cannot imagine my life without them and all their lovely quirkiness and goodness and beauty (inside and out).  I am so grateful for a husband that takes good care of his girls.  I am grateful that he thinks I'm still "hot", even with a plethora of facial blemishes and the fact that I'm wearing yoga pants and old t-shirts almost every day, lately.  When I am gassy (another "blessing" of pregnancy), he responds with, "Baby, stop teasin' me!" or "Well, I had a hangnail, but that's gone now".  I'm so grateful that he can make me laugh.  Even when I feel like pooh. 

For Mother's Day, my girls made me some very sweet cards:

 

Maia composed the above poem.  I love seeing proof of how well she knows me. 

 

The above two pictures are a card that Maddie made for me at school.  Inside it says, "I love you so so so much!  Tell the baby I love you for me every time I am at school ["school" is written in Japanese].  Happy Mother's Day!  I am very grateful for you!" 

 

Another sweet card from Maia...

 

Maddie drew me as a mother dolphin with a herd of dolphin babies.  :)

 

So, although this Mother's Day is awful as far as how I feel, it is wonderful to know how much my amazing kids love me and that I will have another perfect little babe to snuggle by Christmas.  The girls also made me a t-shirt with the latest silly baby name we've come up with on it.  The name is Poopdinkle Shwernbottom.  I'll post a picture of the t-shirt later...it's pretty hilarious.  We've really laughed about that name, lately. 

 

And to all you other mothers, Happy Mother's Day!